Facing the decision to end your relationship can be traumatic. It’s rarely a black and white decision. Often, it’s one fraught with mixed emotions and uncertainty. Even if you want to separate, the pressure to make the ‘right’ decision can be enormous, especially when you have children.

Being confronted by your partner’s decision to separate can leave you feeling hurt and devastated, with your life seeming to spin out of control. It can be hard to understand why your relationship hasn’t been working. How did it come to this?

3 free tools to help you decide

We have 3 free tools to help you get some clarity and to help you think about what to do next. The tools are completely anonymous and they’re all free. Each one takes around 15 minutes to complete. You can use just one tool or all of them; choose the tool you feel is most relevant to your situation. With each completed assessment, you’ll get a personalised summary by email that you can download or print out.

1. Are you ready to separate?

The first tool will ask questions about your relationship and family life. You’ll identify the issues you and your partner* need to focus on to make sure your communication doesn’t get stuck or conflict escalates. 

You’ll learn about separation, the law, and you’ll find support and guidance to help you make this difficult time easier for you and your family.

2. Starting to separate

The second tool will ask you some questions about your relationship, family life, and living arrangements. You’ll identify the issues you and your partner*/ex-partner will need to focus on. You’ll learn about the law, what legal processes you need to follow and find out where to get high quality information to support your unique situation.

3. Safe to separate

The third tool is designed to discover if it’s safe for you to separate from your partner. You and your children may be at increased risk of harm if you are separating from an abusive relationship.

This tool helps you to think about your relationship and consider your safety risks. It gives you an action plan to help you all stay safe during separation. 


In all of the tools, we use the phrase ‘partner’ for your husband, wife, civil partner or partner you have lived with. It is the person you are facing relationship break-up with.