I don't want to split up

Your partner may want to separate but you may feel that the problems you’re experiencing aren’t that serious. You may think you and your partner could work harder to make your relationship right again.

It’s not unusual for couples to have a difference of opinion about separation.

If you’re finding it hard to accept your partner’s decision to separate, you’re not alone. However, the bottom line is that if your partner has decided they definitely want to end the relationship you’ve not much choice in the matter.

Going forward

You can do things to make your way forward easier:

My partner doesn’t want to split up

You may have thought long and hard about your decision to separate. You may have told your partner many times how unhappy you are. Still, it may come as a surprise to them to realise you’ve made up your mind to end your relationship.

Even if it’s no surprise, they may not want to accept your decision. It’s not unusual for couples to differ about whether to separate. 

Making things easier

If your partner disagrees with your decision, you may need to:

What can I do to help my partner accept the end of our relationship?

Make sure your partner is clear about why you want to end the relationship and why you feel you have done all you can to address these. Show them that there are some things that you have valued about the relationship that you will take from it. 

Try this activity to help you to talk to your partner about separating:

Share the lists with your partner.

Preventing harm

It’s very important that you don’t involve your children in any way in your conversations about your decision to separate. They will need to know but not actually make the decisions for you. It won’t help you – and can harm your children – if you try to get them on your side.

It also won’t help you or your children to feel guilty. You may feel the separation is your fault. Others may think this too. But the responsibility for your relationship lies with you and your partner.

How we can help you

Before contacting us to make an appointment, why not try the Relate National “Ready to Separate?” tool – Facing the end of your relationship can be traumatic and confusing. This free tool can help you work out what to do next.