If you’re single, the idea of going to ‘Relationship Counselling’ might seem a bit inappropriate. You’re not alone. Lots of people think that relationship counselling is all about couples and isn’t relevant if you don’t have a partner.

Not true. At Relate we work with lots of individuals of all ages: men, women, trans, lesbian, gay, bi or however you identify.

If you want to look at your relationship patterns in order to start making changes within yourself and look at the kind of people you choose to have relationships with, we can help.

There are lots of reasons why you might think about coming along to counselling if you’re single. Here are some of the most common.

After a break up

At the end of a relationship – whether you’re the one who ended it or not – it can feel like you’re stuck in a pit of difficult emotions with no one to turn to.

You might be struggling to cope with feelings of sadness, loss, guilt or anger and they in turn can have a negative impact on your self-esteem and confidence.

Whether it’s a recent break up or you’re having trouble getting over someone you broke up with a while ago, having someone you can talk to openly and confidentially can really help.

A counsellor is like your very own private support network. They’re there to help you process what you’re feeling, reflect on what happened and support you to move on.

Breaking negative patterns

If you feel that you keep dating the same sort of people over and over or somehow your relationships all seem to follow a similar unhealthy pattern, working with a Relate Counsellor can help you to become more aware of the choices you’re making.

By exploring your past relationships and looking into your family history, you can start to take control of your life and make better and more conscious choices for your future relationships.

Help ‘getting back out there’

Working out what you’re looking for in a potential partner and what kind of relationship you feel comfortable with can feel overwhelming especially if you’ve been single for some time. Fear of rejection or judgement or issues surrounding self-confidence could be holding you back.

Spending some time working with a counsellor can help you figure out your values and ‘deal breakers’ so you can recognise who might be a good partner for you.

You also can look at if there’s anything holding you back in terms of the ‘stories you tell yourself’. We often convince ourselves certain things about relationships and what they mean. Counselling can help challenge any limiting beliefs you may be subconsciously holding onto.

Getting to know yourself

Working with a counsellor can help you develop a better relationship with yourself. The most important relationship you can have in life, first and foremost, is always going to be the one you have with yourself. If you don’t know how to be honest and kind with yourself, how can you expect to have a good relationship with someone else?

Learning to take responsibility for your own feelings, thoughts and actions can be hard and counselling can help you to work on your personal boundaries. Becoming more aware of what you’re ok and not ok with, learning to be more assertive and being able to make choices that keep you in a space where you feel safe and happy are all important.

Doing these things means you’ll be better equipped to enter your next relationship as well as better able to appreciate and respect the differences between yourself and your partner.

How we can help

If you would like to speak to a relationship counsellor about how to move forward following a break up, or perhaps you’d like to understand what it is you want from a relationship, please contact us soon.