It can be hard to accept that your relationship is an abusive one – that you or your partner may be behaving in a bad and unacceptable way. For example, some people find it easier to play down abuse, saying perhaps, “It was only a push”, or “He didn’t really mean it”.

Sometimes people find excuses for abusive behaviour, blaming it on, for example, drink or someone else’s behaviour.

Sometimes people may be too embarrassed or ashamed to admit to others – or even themselves – that they’re abusing their partner or they’re being abused.

Many people do experience violence and abuse in their relationships. 

Types of abuse

Abuse can be;

Safety as a priority

Abusive relationships can be very damaging to relationships and cause great harm. Often, if the person doing the abusing isn’t prepared to take responsibility for their behaviour and seek help, the only way forward is to leave the relationship and separate.

Separation itself can be difficult. It can be a time when the abuse actually increases. Disputes over child contact arrangements can in particular heighten emotions and result in further abuse. It’s really important that the first priority is to keep everyone safe, especially children.

Finding help

In an emergency always call the police by dialling 999 if you are at risk or in immediate danger. Otherwise call the police on 725111.

If you are a woman experiencing abuse please contact...

SAFER Independent Domestic Violence Advisory (IDVA)

SAFER can provide crisis and ongoing support for people experiencing domestic abuse.  This includes helpline; refuge accommodation (for women and children only); advocacy; outreach support (for men and women): includes support in obtaining legal services, financial support and housing; support for children and young people. 

PHONE: 01481 721999

EMAIL: enquiries@safer.gg


If you are a man experiencing abuse please contact...


HUMANKIND provides practical support specifically to men in toxic relationships on the basis that they believe a distinct male-orientated approach is required. It aims to gather statistics and campaign to raise awareness of the extent of the problem and different types of behaviour that constitute abuse, such as: emotional or financial, demeaning behaviour, coercive control or threats (such as violence, self-harm or to prevent or restrict access to children) and for the equal treatment of male victims of such abuse.

PHONE: 0 333 555 5555 which is charged at local rate

EMAIL: humankind@suremail.gg


The Sarnia Programme

If you recognise that you’ve been abusive to your partner and you want to stop you could consider enrolling on the Sarnia Programme.

Applications to the Sarnia programme are usually made by a professional that is working with you or your family but in some cases you may self refer.

The Sarnia Programme is designed to work with individuals who have behaved abusively toward a current or previous partner. The programme looks to support individuals to acknowledge, address and change their behaviour by focusing on their strengths, building on their skills, and providing tools to use so that they are better placed to make positive choices.

Sarnia is a modular based programme, consisting of both individualised work and group sessions. Following completion of an initial assessment module, an individualised programme pathway will be created, identifying which modules that service user would most benefit from completing. Some modules are undertaken as a standard part of the programme, and focus on issues such as motivation and relationship skills. Other modules will look to work on individual issues, such as anger, trauma, or children and parenting.

To discover more about the programme please visit the States Website